10. TRIANGLE OF SADNESS
I understand that this film is a critical darling, and even won its director, Ruben Ostlund, the Palme d'Or for “Best Film” at this year's Cannes Film Festival, but personally I did not like the film at all. Maybe I am just not on the same wavelength as Ostlund, because I was seriously underwhelmed by his previous film, “The Square”, which was also critically championed. I saw “Triangle of Sadness” at MIFF, in a sold out session, and outside of Woody Harrelson's amusing performance as the captain of the cruise ship, there wasn't much I liked about it. It was overlong (when it felt like the movie should've been over, there was still more than an hour to go!), filled with obnoxious characters, and the social commentary about the haves vs the have-nots has been done to death and a lot better in other movies. Also, the infamous vomiting scene was flat out disgusting. Sadly, I hated this film.
9. NOPE
Another critical darling that I despised. I am prepared to admit that I may just not “get” this film, because to me, it felt so incredibly pointless. I did not see any connective tissue between the massacre of the cast and crew of a sitcom by an aggressive primate, and the threat of an alien cloud decades later. The whole film seemed so disjointed, and didn't make a whole lot of sense. I was surprised by my reaction because I have like Jordan Peele's previous two horror films, but “Nope” did nothing for me. It wasn't scary or mysterious, it was (again) overlong, and I felt the performances from the two leads, Daniel Kaluuya and Keke Palmer, were underwhelming to say the least. Kaluuya looked bored throughout the film giving some of the most lifeless line deliveries I have seen for awhile, whilst Palmer went the opposite direction being way over the top to the point that she was flat out annoying! I also think the title of the film is terrible too. This was a film I wanted to like, and expected to love, but it fell flat to me in every aspect.
8. THOR: LOVE AND THUNDER
Let me say up front that I absolutely loved the previous “Thor” film and loved the injection of comedy and silliness that director Taika Waititi added into that film. It gave the franchise a massive lift, which had previously been drowning in its own seriousness. Hearing that Waititi was returning to the director's chair for “Thor: Love and Thunder”, I was excited but lightning does not strike twice here, with this new film falling short of its predecessor in every way possible. I will admit that there are elements of the film I do like (I particularly loved the very silly interactions between Thor and his jealous axe) and I did laugh a lot while watching it, but overall I do not think the film works. Waititi hasn't balanced the comedy, drama and action as well as he did in “Thor: Ragnarok”, this time leaning far too heavily into the comedy to the point that the film starts to feel like a parody. Christian Bale lends the film some weight with his performance as the villain of the film, but overall the film just felt too sleight. The use of the music by Guns 'N' Roses is overdone, and the character of Valkyrie is totally wasted, the CGI is sub-par, and (wait for it), the film is overlong.
7. DEATH ON THE NILE
Once again, I liked the previous entry in the adventures of detective Hercule Poirot, “Murder on the Orient Express” which was stacked with a great and charismatic cast, and which moved with an energy and grace. I wouldn't call it a masterpiece, but it was a fun time at the movies. The sequel, “Death on the Nile” is not. Compared to the first film, the cast lacks star power and everyone looks bored throughout the whole thing. It appears that no-one's heart was truly into making this film and it was only made because the first film made money. It is handsomely made (although some of its CGI is very poor) but it is a vapid experience. The murder mystery lacks oomph, the film as a whole lacks fun, and the worst crime of all, Gal Gadot is totally wasted (although as ever, she looks amazing). Huge disappointment.
6. BARBARIAN
I am actually dumbfounded that my beloved horror community has fallen in love with and championed “Barbarian” as something fresh and original, and I am equally shocked to see it on the top of so many “best of” lists, because I hated this film with a passion!! It had a kitchen sink mentality in that it throws everything at the audience just hoping something will stick. The constant tonal changes do not feel organic to the narrative, rather it feels like the director does these things because it would be “cool” rather than it makes any sense within the story. I honestly thought the film was so badly made and put together, and some of the story elements were flat out ridiculous and embarrassing. I mean adults being breastfed by some underground monster......that is so stupid! The film looks cheaply made, I was not a fan of any of the performances and Justin Long's character is so unlikable. Interestingly, my brother loved this film and gave it 4.5 stars, further highlighting just how much our tastes have changed the older we have gotten.
5. THE 355
And the winner of “the film with the most talented and yet totally wasted cast” goes to......For a film that is stacked with female talent, it is so sad to see them all wasted in a film as bad as “The 355”. While the cast includes Jessica Chastain, Penelope Cruz, Diane Kruger, Lupita Nyong'o and Fan Bingbing, surprisingly the girls lack chemistry, making this spy film a very awkward affair. To be honest, I do not remember much about it anymore, except that I thought that it was so unmemorable and vanilla as possible. It is the cliché thing where the girls all hate each other but come together for a common good at the end, only to find that they do like each other and work well together. One thing that was very embarrassing was that they needed to add a pointless scene at the end of the film, for the sole purpose of explaining what the title actually means. While the film wants to be a big budget “Mission: Impossible” film, sadly it comes across as an oversized “Charlie's Angels” television episode.
4. TRUE THINGS
I cannot remember anything about this film, other than I hated it! The male lead is Tom Burke, an actor I traditionally cannot stand, so perhaps I was always going to struggle with liking this film, but after watching the trailer, I actually thought the film would be right up my alley. However I hated the characters, who were all so self-important and selfish, and I ended up thoroughly despising the film. Do not have much more to add about “True Things” unfortunately, as it appears I have purged it from my memory.
3. JURASSIC WORLD: DOMINION
I think the greatest tragedy of “Jurassic World: Dominion” is just how far the franchise has fallen since the original film. The finale of the previous film saw the dinosaurs escape and let loose into our world, which set up a premise for something new in the franchise, as we would finally see dinosaurs and humans attempt to co-exist. However, outside of a few moments captured on a news report of humans and dinosaurs together, this new “Jurassic World” film takes place in what is essentially another island, away from the rest of the population. In other words, it is more of the same. The franchise had a chance to do something new, but instead of taking a chance, they reverted back to what they know and the resulting film fails because of this. It is a boring rehash of scenes done better in earlier films. However what is worse though is that they finally brought back the three original “Jurassic Park” actors together for this new film, and they are totally wasted. In fact, Jeff Goldblum appears to be playing a variation of himself rather than his character Ian Malcolm; he is terrible in the film (and I say this as a massive Goldblum fan). From the “Jurassic World” side of things, both Bryce Dallas Howard and particularly Chris Pratt look uninterested in their portrayal of their characters. The original “Jurassic Park” is an out and out classic, but they have slowly gotten progressively worse (although the original “Jurassic World” was a well done reboot), with “Jurassic World: Dominion” the absolute nadir of the series. It is time to put a fork in this franchise, because it is well and truly done.
2. UNCLENCHING THE FISTS
This was the only film that I saw at this year's MIFF that I out and out hated. It is a Russian film and it deals with family tensions particularly between the father and brothers of a girl when she wants to spread her wings and live her life away from the family dynamic. I really hated the way director Kira Kovalenko handled the storytelling elements of this film because for some strange reason she hides key information about the lead character ,Ada, from the audience, which would help in justifying or explaining Ada's actions or thoughts to us. I would normally overlook this if it led to a “moment” when that information is revealed and everything suddenly makes sense, but this information is suddenly delivered to us in the most matter-of-fact way, that I was baffled to why we weren't given this information up front. It would make us relate and understand and empathise with Ada much more easily, but instead she comes across almost as a child in an adult's body. The reveal is that Ada's nether regions have been disfigured due to shrapnel from a bomb that went off near her. Again, if we knew this prior, we would understand both her feelings and reactions in regards to her interactions with other people, particularly boys, as well as the fears of her father. Outside of this, I also hated the way the film was shot, it was an ugly film to look at, and I found the whole film an absolute chore to sit through.
1. NIGHT'S END
The worst film I saw in 2022 was a moronic and lifeless horror film called “Night's End”. Being a horror fan, you expect to suffer through a lot of garbage before we find the hidden gems. The genre is saturated with untalented filmmakers trying to make a quick buck because it is a genre that sells, and the films themselves are cheap to make. What makes “Night's End” so bad was because it was directed by Jennifer Reeder. I was absolutely blown away by her previous film, “Knives and Skin”, and I was convinced that Reeder was a bold new cinematic voice, and I could not wait to see what she made next. I wasn't even aware that she had begun filming her follow up when out of the blue, it was announced that her new film would be hitting the “Shudder” streaming service within weeks. As expected, I was so excited to see what this talented new director would deliver. I was then shattered and heartbroken by the results. I will be honest and say that I remember nothing about the film now other than it was terrible, but worst of all, it was as generic as anything. This bold, new cinematic voice that I had fallen in love with was nowhere to be seen in “Night's End”. It could have been made by anyone, and I certainly did not feel that it came from the same genius who made “Knives and Skin”. Was her talent just a facade? Was “Knives and Skin” a fluke? Right now I do not know the answer to these questions, but I still have faith due to the fact that on the earlier film, Reeder was both the writer and director; it all came from her, whereas it appears that “Night's End” was a director-for-hire assignment, and she wasn't artistically bound to the project. That all said, it doesn't change the fact about how much I hated “Night's End” and in the disappointment I felt after watching it, that made it my least liked film of 2022. (Also, how did Michael Shannon end up in this dreck????)
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