Friday, January 3, 2020

2019 - IN REVIEW: TOP TEN WORST FILMS

Let's make this clear, writing a "Top Ten" list for the worst films you have seen in a year is never fun and as such you find little inspiration while writing about them.  Because of this my reasons for disliking a film are probably not very deep, but here you have my 


TOP TEN WORST FILMS OF 2019 



10. THE SOUVENIR

Right off the bat, I understand that this is a controversial choice for a bottom ten list, if just for the huge number of best of lists that I have seen “The Souvenir” included on. I understand that the film has its fans, and those that love it, really love it, but this was one of the most frustrating things I saw in a cinema all year. There were a number of things that I did not like about the film, but the thing above everything else was the character of Tom, played in the film by Tom Burke. He was absolutely infuriating and the most self obsessed character I had seen on film for ages, and I hated every second he was on screen, which was a lot as he is the main character's boyfriend. Time after time, I could not see what this woman saw in him, nor why she stayed with him. He is a manipulative, self centred, heroin junkie who used anyone he could, all in the name of his next hit, and the fact that Julie appears blind to his very obvious flaws drove me batty. Another thing that I disliked about “The Souvenir” was the way director Joanna Hogg dealt with time in the film, which made it very confusing at times when things were happening or how long after something else had happened. I am not a viewer who needs to be spoon-fed everything, but I felt the way Hogg seemed to hold back details from the audience an unnecessary detriment, as there were moments (far too regularly) where you never knew if a character knew a certain thing, or if they did, when they found out about it. I just found the whole thing very oddly handled. That said though, I will give Honor Swinton Byrne her due for her fantastic lead performance as Julie; she is outstanding in the film and the only thing that made it bearable for me to sit through.


9. RATTLESNAKE

Australian director Zak Hilditch's previous two films both made my “best-of” list of their respective years, however his latest film has found its way onto the opposite list due to the fact that it was a total missed opportunity. The story of “Rattlesnake” has to do with how far a mother is willing to go to save the life of her own daughter, even if it means the death of someone else. It is a great moral dilemma that is ripe for cinematic observation, but sadly Hilditch does nothing with this fantastic set up. If you could sit down and think of what would be the most obvious resolution of this story, I can guarantee you, that this is exactly where “Rattlesnake” ends up going. I was severely disappointed in this film, especially after “1922” and “These Final Hours”, which both had depth and real human emotions, something that “Rattlesnake” was sorely missing.


8. HELLBOY

It may be no surprise to see this film on this list, as “Hellboy” was one of the worst reviewed films of 2019 (that is, until “Cats” was released). The biggest tragedy in regards to the existence of this film, is that it put the final nail into the coffin of the slim hopes that we may have got the final instalment of Guillermo Del Toro's planned “Hellboy” trilogy. You see, I am actually a huge fan of Big Red and love Del Toro's take on the horned character. Whilst I understand that they were not big money makers for the studios that made those films, it still baffles me that they chose to not make a third film with Del Toro and gave us what we ended up getting with this new rendition of “Hellboy”. Even though I was disappointed in the decision to reboot this franchise, I at least thought they made some good decisions with choosing Neil Marshall as director and recasting Hellboy with David Harbour. However, the film that ended up being was as close to as a disaster as could be. Harbour didn't understand the character, and Marshall seemed too focused on the extreme amount of blood on screen to care that the film just didn't work at all. It was rude, crude, loud, and frankly embarrassing. Gone was the humour, pathos and heart found in the Del Toro films, instead replaced with poor cgi gore and swear words. The only thing saving this film from being lower down this list, is one great scene involving the Baba Yaga character. Everything else in this version of “Hellboy” was mind-numbingly bad.


7. LONG DAY'S JOURNEY INTO NIGHT

This is another film that I have seen on a few “best of” lists, and I must admit that from a purely visual perspective, “Long Day's Journey Into Night” is stunningly beautiful to look at......well at least half of it is. And that is my main problem with the film. As gorgeous as the obviously Wong Kar Wai inspired images of the first half are, the second half of the film is so self indulgent that it takes away everything great that came before it. Not to spoil anybody's viewing of this film, but the final fifty nine minutes of “Long Day's Journey Into Night” are a dream sequence that is told in a single, unbroken shot, that is also presented in 3-D. The complexity of such a shot is immense and the balls director Bi Gan has to have even attempted such a thing must be huge, and while he succeeds in pulling off this enormous challenge, for me, it is this shot that stops the film dead, in a narrative sense. As soon as this dream sequence begins, the film stops working for me. It suddenly becomes only about the shot; you only focus on the feat of this one extended shot, and all the drama of the film is immediately lost. Until this point, I was so into the film, and loved being involved in its central mystery. I couldn't take my eyes off of Tang Wei and wanted to immerse myself in this story. Then this dream sequence comes out of nowhere and destroys all that magic. I also felt the dream sequence itself fails to lead anywhere interesting. It would be remiss of me not to note that I did not see this sequence in 3-D either, and as such, my viewing of the scene may be tainted and it may be more impressive seen in this light. Of all the films on this list, “Long Day's Journey Into Night” is the only one that I want to see again, thanks largely to the beauty of its first half. There is no doubt that director Bi Gan has enormous talent, but I hope that he loses some of his self indulgence for his future features.


6. LUZ

I wanted to love this film so, so much, but by the end of it, I have to admit that I hated it. “Luz” is a low budget German horror film about a young female taxi driver who attempts to turn herself in at a police station as she fears she is possessed by an evil force. It is shot on glorious 16mm film, so the images look stunning, filled with thick grain and smokey ambience. However, it is lacking in a narrative of any worth. The story appears to go nowhere. Actually, that may be a little harsh, as there is definitely a story there, but I just needed so much more, as what is there is minimal at best. “Luz” isn't a long film at only seventy minutes, however the more it goes along, the less well it works, losing its atmosphere and it starts to resemble a mediocre school play by the end. Again, this is another film on this list that does have its fans, and those that like it often say that it is a film that mesmerises. Personally, I cannot say it had that effect on me. Instead, I found it very boring and sleep inducing, which is a little sad after its impressive set up. 
 

5. THE ART OF SELF-DEFENSE

This is actually the first of two Jesse Eisenberg / Imogen Poots films to make it onto this list this year, although this one may be due to the fact that I just wasn't on the same wavelength as it, as the rest of the audience (I saw the film at MIFF) seemed to find it hilarious and loved it. Before going into it, I had heard that it was like “Fight Club” for the new millennia, which is immediately unfair on “The Art of Self-Defense” as the comparison is an absurd one, with the two films really sharing nothing in common other than fighting. This film is a black comedy, and one that obviously I did not find funny at all. Instead of coming across as clever, the comedy hit me as obvious and lacked subtlety, while the story lacked any real life grounding for the comedy to work. There was a brief moment at the end when I chuckled, but overall I sat watching this thing stone faced. The film is about toxic masculinity and what “makes a man a man” but none of it worked for me at all, and I must admit I was surprised by the positive reaction towards it in the cinema. If there was one positive, I thought that Imogen Poots gave a decent performance as the lone female in a male dominated world, obviously better than the men, but constantly looked down upon due to her sex.


4. STOLEN IDENTITY

This is a film that I actually saw on a fourteen hour flight to Edinburgh which, believe me, I do understand is not the best way to see a film, but this was so mind-numbingly bad that I am sure I would have had the same reaction if sitting in a pristine theatre and well rested. “Stolen Identity” is a Japanese film directed by the once great Hideo Nakata, the man behind the original “Ring” film. It is about a young girl named Asami who, after her boyfriend loses his cell phone, starts to be cyber-stalked by an unknown assailant before having her identity stolen out from under her. I must admit that even though I haven't enjoyed a film by Hideo Nakata for a while, I was excited to see it available on the plane. Each new film of his, I hope that I will see something of his old genius, but sadly by the end of this film, all I could think of was just how far the once great had fallen. This film was not scary, lacked any atmosphere (something Nakata used to excel at) and the performance of the actor playing the villain was so over the top that I could not believe that any director worth their weight wouldn't reign in such a performance. It was seriously so bad, it was laughable. I actually felt embarrassed watching this movie. The thing is, it is not until the villain is revealed (even though it is very obvious who is behind it all) that this actor (whom I can't name due to spoilers) goes bananas. Before the reveal, he/she comes across very normal but once their true identity is exposed, it just becomes bizarre. Something else that is bizarre, is Nakata's attempt to create a “red herring” with one of the police characters. I hated this film with a passion, but guess what? There is a sequel coming out this year!! Yay! Strange considering it felt like a self contained story that was finished. Oh well. And yes, Hideo Nakata returned to direct this follow up. Sigh. How far the once great have fallen.


3. EXTREMELY WICKED, SHOCKINGLY EVIL AND VILE

When you write these “worst of” lists, you inevitably come up against films that you remember little about because you purge them from your mind, due to the fact you disliked them so much. Joe Berlinger's “Extremely Wicked, Shockingly Evil and Vile” is one of those films. I remember very little about it, except for the fact that I thoroughly disliked it and was a bit baffled by how much of a missed opportunity the film was. For those that do not know, this film is about Ted Bundy and was directed by Joe Berlinger who just prior to making this film, had directed an excellent four part documentary series about the mass murderer entitled “Conversations With a Killer: The Ted Bundy Tapes”. The documentary is full of depth and information regarding Bundy's crimes, so Berlinger would seem the perfect person to direct a feature film about Bundy as you would imagine he would know the story back to front. So it came across as odd that the resulting film was as boring, and lacked teeth, as much as it did. In fact, I believe that Berlinger mishandled the film so much, that if I hadn't seen his documentary previous, I would have been lost in regards to its many details. Whilst Zac Efron looks the part, his performance is more of a caricature or an impersonation than him inhabiting the role fully, and Lily Collin's is wasted as Bundy's long term girlfriend Liz, even though all marketing around the film states that this story was going to be from her point of view. This was a massive disappointment.


2. VIVARIUM

This is the other Jesse Eisenberg / Imogen Poots film and boy, its a stinker! Again, I remember very little about the film, except that it started so well and went downhill very quickly. This was the first film I saw at MIFF this year, and it really didn't start the festival off on a nice note. It is about a young couple looking for a house to purchase who think they have found the perfect place. The (very weird) sales agent takes them to the house, which is just one in a massive estate filled with identical looking houses. After dropping the couple at the house, the agent disappears and the couple are stuck, unable to find a way out of this maze like estate. Road after road seems to lead them straight back to their apartment, and soon they start receiving strange packages of food on their doorsteps. While the set-up sounds intriguing, and it feels like a cinematic rendition of an M.C Escher drawing, writer/director Lorcan Finnegan does nothing with the premise, as for the next ninety or so minutes, we feel just as trapped as the poor couple. I'll be honest and say that I don't remember much about what happens next except that Eisenberg's character digs a very big hole where he finds a body, and at one stage towards the end, he essentially lifts the fabric of the world underneath and sees exactly what is happening. Something like that, but all I remember was just how angry I was by the time the film ended and how much time I felt I wasted watching the film. Since the screening, I have heard very little about the film, which doesn't surprise me. If it does get released, I'm sure it will be put out very quietly and soon forgotten.


1. 47 METRES DOWN: UNCAGED

So my least favourite film I saw in 2019, was one of the last films I saw in the year, and I must admit that I hate that I have to add it to this list. The reason why is because I watched the film with my ten year old daughter, Peyton, and while I loved spending the quality time with her and she enjoyed it and found it scary, I have to be true to myself and say that I absolutely hated this film with a passion. It is so bad that I am stunned that it made it to cinema screens across the world. This is direct to video dreck if I ever saw it. The story as to how I ended up watching the film is unique so I will share it. As I mentioned, I watched it with my daughter Peyton, who has just started to find a love of horror films. She particularly likes shark horror films, but she really wanted to watch “The Ring” with me. While I initially told her no because she was too young, I eventually relented, so we made a time to watch it together and we were both excited. However only eighteen minutes into the film, she decided it was too scary for her, so we turned it off. She was disappointed and wanted to still watch a film with me, and I remembered I had this film and hadn't yet watched it, and knew Peytie had recently seen and liked the original “47 Metres Down”. So we put the disc in and started watching. Personally, I thought the original film was just ok, but I had loved director Johannes Roberts' previous film “The Strangers: Prey At Night”. It was a nasty slasher sequel with style to boot, so I was not expecting the train wreck that “47 Metres Down: Uncaged” turned out to be. There is nothing to recommend about the film at all. It is terribly acted, has paper thin characters, it is very poorly shot so you can never see what is going on, and it is not scary at all. Worse than that, it relies on the same scare over and over again, which didn't work the first time. Even worse than that are the shocking cgi shark creations which look like D-grade “Sharknado” knock offs. I cannot stress how bad this film is; its deplorable! Again, let me stress, that I loved watching the film and spending time with my daughter Peyton, but the actual film itself was the worst thing I saw in 2019.

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